Betrayal

This year everything I prayed for went unanswered.

God please save Jason. Bring him health and healing. God please give us the chance for our future. God please give us the chance at building our family, we beg to be blessed with beautiful children.

We’d hold hands and say this in prayer together every single night. We’d take turns who said the prayer, but it always consisted of some version of those three things. The tears as once of us spoke would flow down my cheeks.

I remember when Jason was really really sick, he had resided to the couch and I had kissed him goodnight. And he said wait, we have to pray. And pray we did, the same asks of God, as the love my life was quickly being eaten away by the awful awful cancer.

God please save Jason.

Weeks after Jason passed when I finally came back to my house, and put myself into bed, alone. I closed my eyes out of habit to pray. only then I realized I don’t have anything else to pray for, everything I was begging God for will now never be possible since Jason left this world.

Now I don’t pray. I only ask God why.