I Lost Jason.
On Sunday, August 17th, I lost my best friend, Jason. My husband, a son and son-in law, a brother and brother-on law, the cool uncle, a fierce friend. He was the love of my life, my lifetime ski buddy, house project partner, Nora’s dog dad and should’ve been future father. It’s beyond comprehension and it’s so unfair.
Jason was a fighter. He fought cancer like hell. But he was so much more. At his deepest levels Jason was a gentle soul with a heart that so powerfully loved everyone around him. He always chose to see the best in people and any situation. He was goofy, driven, compassionate, creative. He was inspired to embrace the world around him and bring joy to everyone he met.
The Jason I knew evolved in the 4 years we had together. He went from adrenaline chasing ski junkie to a man who started to find that same thrill planning and building our future, working in the garage and bettering our home, dreaming of all that we had ahead. He loved me so much and I know all he wanted was to give me the life he thought I deserved. It was clear to everyone around us how much Jason loved me and how much I loved him. We talked endlessly about how perfect we were for each other and were always in constant awe how lucky each one of us was for finding our soul mate. We were the perfect fit.
I’ve been told by many how strong I was for Jason. But the truth is, Jason’s deep love and admiration for me allowed me to be strong for him for so long. Our powerful love for each other fueled my strength each day to show up for him until the very end. Jason loved me endlessly, as I did him. I can’t understand why our time together was cut so short. We walked the unimaginable together. This is not how it is supposed to go. And now I walk the unfathomable. Grieving the loss of my sweet husband, while also grieving the future we dreamed of, everything we had planned. Knowing that everything I saw when I met Jason, my forever person, has now been ripped from me as it has been from him.
My heart aches knowing that in the worst moments of my life I don’t have my person to squeeze me tight and process this pain with. I find joy paired with sorrow and sadness of what should’ve been watching memories of him on my phone, thankful for what time we did have, but mourning all the time we should’ve gotten.
Jason, you were my perfect person, the man I dreamed of meeting and so much more. You would’ve been the best dad to our should’ve been future children, something you deserved and wanted so much. To be loved by you and to be your wife has been the greatest honor of my life. I love you with all my heart, forever.
- All my love, your wife, Lauren
