Letters to Jason: Another Day.
January 23, 2026
6am. It’s freezing today. I woke up missing you. I was dreaming that I woke up and my ring fingers were throbbing, like it was you sending me a sign. My dreams have been odd. You’re not in them always but I’m dreaming about thinking about you.
Tonight I’m meeting some of the crew for a rage room. To hit and break things. It’s over by the little plaza off of 88th right before you’d turn off Independence to go to Nancy’s. That kind of struck me. I recall for sure stopping there at a liquor store with you or before coming to Nancy’s early on when I met you. Really crazy how that works.
12pm. Oh my God. I think I just found our old ice cream scoop that had randomly gone missing in the spring and I had no idea where it went to. You must’ve put it in the utensils jar where we put all our spatulas. I just went to try to put some stuff away in there today and I accidentally found it. I can’t believe that, I had no idea it was there for what probably 10 months, oh my, I have to laugh because it kinda reminds me of the DoorDash gift card when you slipped it in your stocking and couldn’t remember.
I just want to talk to you. So badly. About everything. I want life to be normal. I want to be living. No cancer. With you. The life we deserved and dreamed of.
9pm. Went to a rage room tonight with Lia, Elias, Haris, EJ, and Audrie. It felt so good to break and hit things. I wish you were here though. Gosh you deserve to be here. It isn’t the same without you. But tonight was ok. I survived and I actually enjoyed it. I was dreading it to be honest. Being social, with more than a few people, it’s been bringing me such anxiety. But I’m proud of myself. Tonight was ok. Tonight I smiled.
There was an Indiana plate in the smash room…What are the odds…I smashed that plate for you, for the years of abuse and bull shit. I am so glad you left to come to Colorado 13 years ago. I smashed that plate for me, for the abuse I witnessed and experienced when you were here. For the continued abuse, manipulation I’ve received since you’ve been gone. If smashing a plate with rage could bring you back, you would’ve reappeared in seconds.
I miss you Jason. I love you Jason. Not a second goes by where I don’t wish you were here doing this life with me. You are so missed by so many.
