Letters to Jason: I Need You

January 26, 2026

Today has sucked. Last night sucked. My jaw is tense and my eyes are in pain. I’m struggling and I just miss you and wish you were here to spend time with me and hold me. I miss you so much. I want my best friend to help me feel like it’s us against the world. It’s so lonely without you here. I feel like I am crashing and burning and the world is crumbling. It just keeps crumbling beneath my feet. I have no one to catch me. Not without you. I’m just really sad. I hate the way Sarah has made me feel. I want you to be here to make it all ok. I just want you back. I don’t like the way she’s bullying me. I just want to be left alone. I don’t like that she didn’t have nice things to say and that they don’t care, they only care about themselves and I am their key to knowing you. I hate that. Because I hate being told what to feel and what’s ok and then manipulated. No one can tell me how to feel. I just miss you. I really am anxious and struggling. Some days it just feels like my world is spiraling and I’m grasping for control. And I can’t get a control of anything. Because you’re not here to hold on and take the wheel.

In other news. My dad figured out how to fix this VDC playback error on the TV. You would’ve been so happy. Just the small little things. They keep adding up. On the long ass list of ‘what I wish you were here to experience with me’. I miss you so much Jason. I love you so much. I still can’t believe this is real and that you’re really gone. I’m so sorry this happened to you and to me. We deserved such a different ending.

I just hope you’re here by my side. I’m really struggling Jason and I miss you more than you probably even knew I would. I really miss you. And I really want you. I hope you can hold me tight. Because I really need it.