Letters To Jason: 1,381 Days Of You

November 5, 2025

Four years ago, four. Our love story begins.

I sent you that first message on bumble. That first interaction changed my entire life. Yours too I’d imagine, just kidding I know it did, you told me all the time. I was giddy about you from the day we started talking. I wish so badly we had all those old texts but I can’t find them. I remember many moments of it all though, maybe that’s more beautiful than old text messages. Naturally the first thing we talked about was skiing. I thought it was so sweet that you were a ski coach. Impressed of course. But mostly drawn to how you were so involved and excited about the kids. Our first few messages back and forth were slow, but you quickly asked me out and after that I gave you my number. And THEN you called me!! I’ll never forget that. It was Sunday Nov 7th. I didn’t answer. I was at my mom and dad’s. It threw me off then, no one in our generation picks up the phone to make a call. But you did. That was your thing. And I’m so glad it was. I have many voicemails from you that make my heart swoon. I listen to them now when I miss you.

In those early days before we met in person we talked about everything and anything. I know we talked about you playing soccer. Me playing soccer forever ago. I remember one night I had a really long day and I told you I needed to put my phone down for a while and wouldn’t be texting. You had mad respect for that. You’d text me good morning most days even before we met. You sent me a photo all dressed up for an interview. You looked handsome. Maybe this was after we met the first time, but still. We hit it off I have no doubt. As you wrote to me this year in your birthday card, bumble, fate, whatever brought us together gets a chefs kiss.

I remember before we met I had a book club that Monday. I was just interested in texting you the entire time. My mind was focused on you, and I couldn’t wait to be done with the book club so that I could talk to you. The Wednesday of that week I had parish council - which you thought was amazing. You loved that I was involved, involved in my church no less. Ha, that one didn’t turn out so good for me (or us).

Meeting you was a dream. The best thing to ever happen to me. 4 years ago, this all started. 4 years. 4 years and you’re already gone. Oh my heart, Jason. Only 3 years, 9 months, and 12 days of living life with you. That’s 1,381 days. From the day I met you, to the day I lost you, I imagine the days that I didn’t hear your voice or talk to you can be counted on one hand. Now I’m here, without you, 80 days without you, holding you, seeing you, hearing you (in real life) and I’m broken. I miss you so much Jason.

Thank you bumble, or fate. Whatever brought me to you and you to me deserves a chefs kiss.

I love you Jason Scheuer, for me 1,381 days you were the light of my life.

You still are, it’s just so different and my world will never be the same without you here.

I think about my world before I met you. I think on the surface there was a girl who was fine, had friends, not all good ones as we come to find out later in our story, a girl who was going through the motions of life. I never had issues finding success in work, that was something I was focused on and could excel in. My life in love was not that though. I reflect on the words I use to talk about what you needed to truly find the best version of yourself, though our stories and paths that led us to each other are different, I needed exactly what I gave you, which was for someone to love me so deeply and unconditionally for who I was. Someone who didn’t shy away from that person, embraced me and loved me for me, to allow me to find my very best self. You did that Jason. Every day from the day I met you, till the day I lost you. You embraced me for who I was, and boy did I find myself with you.

Before I met you, I was going through the motions with this group of friends. They didn’t really align with my own thinking, but it was keeping me company. Less lonely. Dating was so hard before I met you. The games people would play. I remember an old friend of mine was so judgmental about me, and my heart when it came to dating. She indicated once that I was the problem. I was told that a lot in my efforts to date before I met you. Holding people to their word was deemed wrong, caring was wrong. The list goes on and on. But you, you loved and embraced any and all my intentions and efforts. You saw them for what they were, which was me putting my heart out there for you to love, wearing it on my sleeve. Pouring myself into you. As you poured yourself into me. It was two people who knew how lucky they got when they found each other. Two people who had been patiently wishing and waiting for this type of love and that type of person to share life with.

Last night a friend said that she doesn’t really know me without you, she of course was talking in time and space. I said I’m not sure I know myself either. Because that’s the truth. I found myself in you, the best version of me. Who was loved deeply by the most incredible man in my life. I became that best version of me with you by my side. She went on to say, even though he’s gone, how he shaped you is still there, and you carry him with you. And she’s damn right. I will forever be me, after meeting you, you will forever have influence on me and my life and what I do next, even if you’re not here. Our love story changed my life. You showed me true love, soul mates. Not just basic love that some others share. This love, our love is pure, kind, explosive and expressive. A loud love. A real love. Maybe one of the best loves people experience in their lifetime. And few get lucky enough to really do so.

Here I am now, another message ending with why, why God. Why Jason and why me. Why rob us of that love, that life.

Oh Jason Scheuer we would’ve shone bright in this life together. We did for 1,381 days, even with the bull shit the world threw at us. Oh what we deserved and could’ve done.

I fucking miss you.

A long day comes to a close. A very draining day. Work was busy. A lot. I think about you always saying I was your wife, the sexy architect. It carries me through most days. Even on the draining days you never leave my mind. You will always be the first thing on my mind when I wake and the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep. I miss you so much Jason.

I love you, to the moon and stars, my furthest star.