Letters to Jason: Fall Weather

October 6, 2025. Today really feels like fall. The air is crisp and cool. It’s the perfect weather for your sweater. You’d love this type of weather. Before life kicked us in the nuts you’d for sure be out for a jog on a day like today. The weather also makes me feel sad. Or maybe I’m just sad and the weather emphasizes it. It’s probably that. I am really just sad. I’m always sad but the powerfulness of it really comes in waves. Today is one of those days where I feel like collapsing on the floor and weeping. I don’t know how to hold myself together, to move forward. Let alone just be in this space that I’m in. I find myself desperately grasping to find anything and everything to feel your presence in my day. I’m lonely and homesick for a world with you in it. A place that no longer exists and never will again. It’s impossible to feel anything but darkness without you here. I laugh randomly at things for a second, but only for a second. What I do love about re-reading all of our messages is how strong our love really was. It shows up all the time in our simple back and forth texts. Not that our love needed validation, but it’s there. Anyone who would read it would see it. That makes me smile. Because what we lived was really real. Even though now I find myself grasping to hold onto it, like it’s slipping away without you here. Because now all I have of it is only my memories. Photos, texts, voicemails. There will never be anything new. On a day like today, I miss you more, I want to be wrapped in your arms in our bed. Cuddled up ready to watch Monday night football. I don’t stop missing you for a single second. I don’t know how to live without you.