On this Day. 4 Years Ago.
I have a love hate relationship with Google Photos prompts reminding me what happened on this day, years ago. It is a love hate because it often hurts my heart. I love seeing old photos, they spark memories with Jason that I adore and hold close to my heart. I usually smile, because the photos are cute. But it hurts. It is a constant reminder of what was, and what will never be again. Through all my internal work these last months, my hope for myself is to continue to let the bad move through and hold onto the good. It is so hard to not cling to the bad. Because this is bad. But, even as cliche and annoying as it is, is it so bad, because our love was so good. That is worth holding onto.
This photo popped up this morning, after a rough evening and night. It brought me some peace. It is from January 12th, 2022. I can’t believe it has been 4 years. We were early on in our dating, I had met Jason in early Nov of 2021. Jason was living with his “aunt” Nancy and family at the time. They lived in Arvada. He had come down with COVID. He asked to stay at my place to avoid exposing them all to it. I kind of chuckle at that now. Probably just a good excuse to hang out at my place for a while. :)
These photos are from when we went out and took a walk. I laugh because we are barely wearing jackets and it is early January. Everyone says how abnormally hot it is in Colorado right now (2026), but I guess this is just a reminder that it may have been this way in January of 2022 as well. At least these photos make it seem that way. Throughout our relationship, especially in our early dating, we’d love to take walks. We’d have walk dates. That was the perk of having Nora. It was an excuse to not doing anything that cost money, but still get outside and be with each other. I smile looking at these photos. I was so happy. Jason was so happy.
Gosh I miss him. I long for these days. These really were the good ole days. Everything was so simple. So normal. I often imagine if he was here still, I’d pop through these photos and smile, but they wouldn’t even carry the same weight they hold now. Because if he was here, the option to have these types of moments would still exist. We’d be making more memories. That’s what I mean about a love hate relationship with the Google Photos. The love part is seeing Jason and me happy. The hate part is seeing Jason and me happy and knowing that will never exist again. I so often wonder how did we get here? Why did we get here? How is this really my life? Those beautiful young people so deeply in love in those photos, they had no idea what the world was going to do to them.
