Ski Valley

October 20th, 2025.

It’s been two whole months without my favorite person in the world. October thus far has been incredibly hard. That is not to say September wasn’t hard, but I really do feel the days have gotten harder. The further I get away from losing Jason the more painful this all feels. It’s forcing acceptance that he’s not ever coming back. It’s the change of seasons without him. The shortened days and the darkness. It is a lot all at once. It’s the world moving forward and feeling helpless and stuck.

I booked a trip to Tucson to visit Megan. We took a little sister trip up to Mount Lemmon, Ski Valley. A place Jason always wanted to go. He would always ask my sister if she was going to ski there and she would laugh, but Jason was dead serious. Jason would ski anywhere in this world. It would’ve been his favorite thing. He didn’t need it to be a big resort. He loved the Mom and pop skiing. He would’ve had a skis down here in a second, if only he had been healthy. We pulled into the parking lot of the little ski hill and I just sobbed, thinking about how much Jason would’ve been obsessing over this little two person chair and resort which only featured a handful of runs. We spent the afternoon reminiscing, laughing and crying at what Jason would’ve been thinking to be here. The words “I just miss him so much” leave my mouth so many times every single day. Big milestones like his birthday that just passed, are hard. Though, sometimes I think it’s the smaller moments, woven into each and every day that are so much harder. It’s the unplanned, simple, mundane day to day that I ache deeply for his presence. It’s all those that I wish even more so he was here. For himself, and for me. Thinking a lot about what was robbed from us, even before he left this world, the time stolen being young, healthy and in love.

“Good” doesn’t exist in my world right now the way it used to. But all things considered we had a “good” day. We settled back in at Meg’s to watch football last night and I looked over and she was crying. She said I just miss Jason. The tears filled my eyes but I smiled. I just miss Jason too, and even though it hurts there’s something special about seeing someone who loved him differently than me, miss him. It reminds me how much his presence impacted so many people and I never want that to be forgotten.

Who knows if it’ll even snow at ski valley this year. But I know if it does, Megan will take her “rock run”, for Jason. 🤍⛷️