Letters To Jason: I Ache For You

October 29, 2025.

Another Wednesday. The last one of October. Wow.

Still always hard to believe life without you here is real. I think some mornings I wake up wondering if this sick dream will end. Only to find it’s actually a reality.

I was thinking about that silly show Upload that we loved to watch. I wish that was real. how wonderful it would be to experience you in eternal life. Just to be with you..wow. What a concept. If only.

I got home yesterday from taking myself out to a facial (you’d be proud of me for that I know it) and I left the garage door open as I came in. Nora ran right past me out to the car. As if she was expecting someone else to be with me. I’m wondering if she was looking for you. I think she was. It was weird and surprising since she has not looked for you, it broke my heart. She misses you too.

I really miss you Jason. I’m so sad you’re not here. I’m so sad I don’t get forever with you. I feel stuck. I don’t want to move forward, but even if I did I wouldn’t know how. I would give anything in this life to not let this be real. To find a way back to you.

My body physically aches for you. To be felt. Seen. You are so needed. In every way possible. I can’t believe this happened to us. I just can’t believe it’s real. Two people so in love. Dreaming big. Robbed of everything. I don’t know why God would do this to anyone. Why you, Jason. Why. Why me. Why, Jason, why. Why did this happen to us. We were supposed to be building a life together. A beautiful joyous life. Why we’re robbed of that. I miss you. I want to burry my face into your chest and just sob. To be felt by you. To feel you again. It’s so lonely without you. I miss you. The love you wrapped me in. I miss you. I need you so badly. I want you here. Why did the world take you from me.